Posture and Attitude

At 14 years old, my family was forced to move from our home in Indiana to South Carolina. I had just ended my freshman year of high school where I was widely considered to be one of the weird kids. I was a skater punk and found some acceptance in that crew. However, puberty had it out for me. It showed in the acne, skinniness, high voice, and immature behavior. To top it all off, I had terrible posture.

My memories of that time are sparse, but I believe I know the reason for the shitty posture. At the time, I was externally focused. I looked to others to assign value to me, and between being a rebellious teenager whose parents (rightly) were angry at me most of the time for being a little shit, and high school peers who looked down on me… Well, I was a sloucher. Maybe, it is natural to try to escape a seemingly hostile world by trying to “get small” by curling up? In any case, goofy long hair combined with crappy grunge inspired clothes, with that loose “I’m not worth anything” slouch made for a sad freshman year.

It was during the preparation for our move, that my brother and I decided that we had enough. We were tired of being the weird kids, and since a new beginning was on the make, a better time for change couldn’t be found. This was one of my first experiences with Game, even though I didn’t realize it at the time. The new people we were going to meet knew nothing of our awkward ways; we could be anything we wanted to be. All we had to do was decide what face we wanted to present to the world.

We looked around at the people who we thought wanted to be like. We examined the people in our school, characters in movies and books, looked for common traits and moved to emulate them. The popular kids, action heroes, and military men like Oliver North (who we had watched testify the previous year) were the ones we wanted to be like. So with some observation we pieced together a few common traits between these folks. First there was their refusal to take shit from other people, and second was the way they stood. While there were several other observations we made the fact  that their body language was distinctive, was the conclusion that changed us the most.

These people stood up straight as if they were being dragged up by their necks. Shoulders were squared and back, they looked straight at people, made eye contact and in doing all of this they dominated their worlds. We didn’t understand the nuances of body language, but quickly decided that we had to change out of our bullshit slouch and put on this new affect.

When we got to SC, we held each other accountable and practiced prior to the school year beginning. By the time that we started our sophomore year, we had developed a habit of keeping our shoulders back and head high.

I simply cannot stress the massive difference that this made in the obvious way that people perceived me. I noticed it with my brother as well;  people paid attention. This was so new to us, we almost couldn’t believe it. We found out pretty quickly that people were asking about who the new brothers were. The previous year we had gotten used to nobody giving a shit. The amazing thing was that once we fell in with a crew there, we learned that lots of the boys in school were afraid of us, and the girls were curious. Again, this was totally new to us and we were LOVING it.

We changed very little outside of our posture. Yes, we did make it clear that we were willing to fight to the very few people who challenged us, but most never saw that part of our new personas. They only saw what appeared to be confident young men. The only thing that functionally changed was how we stood on a regular basis. The best part was that the physical change we decided upon had a massive mental component as well.

Prior to finding out about the girls being curious about us, we were feeling better than ever. I recognize now that there is a causation between the subtle change in our attitude and the girls noticing us, but at the time all I could think is that we had made the right damn decision. Our more confident posture started an unconscious “fake it till you make it” change in our confidence level. Without realizing it, acting confident slowly changed our actual confidence for the better.  It wasn’t but a few months into that year I got my first girlfriend. Best part was, she was one of the hottest girls in school (and probably one of the bendiest too).

Gentlemen, I cannot stress enough the importance of maintaining a good posture. Just standing up intentionally will improve your mood, outlook, and appearance. Mike from Danger and Play talks about body language often, and with good reason. How you appear to the world changed people’s perception of you, and your perception of yourself to a massive degree. Do not rely on any inner traits when dealing with others. They WILL judge you immediately on what they SEE. First impressions matter in nearly every situation, and they matter twice as much for attracting women.

My first experience with manipulating the outcome by adjusting myself was a resounding success. I highly recommend you do the same, and here is how:

Stand in front of a mirror with your heels against the baseboard at shoulder width.

Squeeze your glutes while pressing them against the wall

Place both of your scapula (shoulder blades) against the wall.

Gently roll your shoulder back just even with your neck.

Look straight ahead, holding your head so that your chin is level with the floor.

Now lean forward at the ankles (leaving everything else as is) until you are standing free from the wall.

Take a moment, remember how your body feels as you stand this way

Check in with yourself periodically throughout the day to ensure you are keeping it going.

It is that simple. Remember how that feels, and practice standing like that. Try walking with your shoulders, chest and head in the same position it was in the first time you tried it. Keep practicing until it is a habit. Mentally chastise yourself when you feel your body curling into your old slouch, and immediately get back to your posture.

It may be a little uncomfortable for a little while because your muscles are getting used to a different “normal.” However, that will fade with continued practice.

Posture won’t fix your game by itself, but it goes a long way to improving your frame, attitude and outlook. If a my dumbass 14 year old like can figure this shit out, you’ll get it without breaking a sweat.

Remember men, stand the fuck up!